They say human beings are resilient, that no matter how great the pain and heartache we still manage to recover. I am not new to this. I’ve endured so much pain that I am surprised I still manage to function fully and did not delve into the pit of depression. I was betrayed by the people I loved, but never in my heart did I ever curse them, instead I prayed for them that they will find the happiness they are looking for that they did not find in me. Once, I was sitting in the bus looking outside the window, trying to hold back tears that is threatening to fall. I forgot my sunglasses, sh*t! I said to myself at the back of my head. An old lady gave her handkerchief to me, when I saw it I cried. I cried, because seeing someone else concerned look made me feel vulnerable. She said “heartache?”, I nodded. She said “Darling, just remember everything happens for a reason. If there is a need for you to get hurt for someone else to be happy, it is part of god’s plan. One day god will bless you and give you your own happiness.” I held on to those words until this day.
In every heartache and betrayal, I am losing a part of me; my self esteem. It takes a lot of effort and will power to rebuild it. To convince myself that I am still worthy and deserving of love that would make me believe in myself again, that I am special because I am. It will take a while for sure, but I am still holding on to the belief that one day I am still worthy to be loved by someone who appreciates every cell in my being, who adores all the aches and pains that have been left behind me and someone who will not give up on me.
Today, I decided to set myself free. I am shattered in the inside but I will create something beautiful from my own fragments. I’ve done this before, and I will do it again. I will not change the tide of my grief, instead, I will allow it to take me wherever it want to take me. I will embrace my sadness like my own temporary tattoo. And I will feel the pain, until it hurts no more.
Top, Earrings, Sunglasses and Shoes: H&M
Skirt: Forever 21
Bag: Michael Kors
Photos from my recent trip to Washington, DC.